I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
whose ass print is on the piano?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
