____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
