I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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