The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
