Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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