Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just had sex on a roof
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
