Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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