my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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