The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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