So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
