Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
