Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
