I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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