My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
