i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
