you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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