found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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