I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
