In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
