im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
someone owes me an orgasm
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
