Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
