How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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