we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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