dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
