I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
