If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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