I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
