You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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