my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
