Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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