just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
