What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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