Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
