shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
