She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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