I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
