fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
