i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
