I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
