I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
