he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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