ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
