It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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