i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
