will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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