remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
