Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
