when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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