I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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