Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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