it hurts more in the daytime
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
